Sabotaging Happiness

Have you ever thought about how kids sabotage their own happiness? If you're a parent, you probably know what I'm talking about. My kids -- especially my twins -- have a habit of throwing their blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, pacifiers, anything that gives them comfort when they're supposed to sleep out of reach and then crying because they don't have it. Give them a nice book to read, they'll rip it up. Give them a bucket of toys, they'll throw them around the room. Their natural bent is toward destruction, and it usually lands them in a state of misery.

Aren't we a little like that, when we really think about it? How many times do we take a great gift that God gives us and throw it away with both hands? How many times do we refuse to accept the help that will get us out of a bad predicament? Just as our children don't think ahead to the future, we tend to forget the consequences of our actions.

What is it we tell our children? Listen to me, because I've been there. I know. What you're doing now, you will later regret. If only we could take the words of our heavenly father to heart, we might be free from our own sabotage.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

Back to School. We've all seen those commercials with the parents dancing down the aisles as they buy their kids school supplies. I've never really identified with that sentiment, to tell the truth. I happen to like my kids, and I like to be with them.

Sure, there are the obvious benefits -- a little more quiet time, not to mention the fact that my kids are going stir-crazy to get back. But on the other hand, I miss them. And there's that nerve-wracking first day, bringing your kids into that sea of hyper children, straining to hear their names called and putting them into the hands of a stranger.

All in all, I'm okay with it, though. I know that beyond all the worries and missing them, God has them well in hand. That's all I need to know.

Messy Hands

We have a three-times daily ritual in our house. It's called wiping the twins up after eating. First, you get a wet cloth. Then, while using one hand to fend off the other grabbing baby hand and a biting baby mouth, we wipe down the first hand. Next, while holding the clean hand in a firm grip, we hastily wipe down the high chair tray so the clean hand stays clean. Repeat with the other hand, then the face, where the biting hazard increases significantly. If necessary, we do the hair, ears, neck and upper arms, too, and sometimes the legs as well. More often than not, this is done while the baby is wailing and gnashing her teeth. Then we get to do it all with the other baby.

The point is, this whole exercise reminds me of what God has to go through with us. We get our hands messy -- sometimes more than our hands -- playing around at life. We throw stuff all over God's nice world, too. But instead of meekly letting Him clean up our mess, we fight, kick, grab, bite, and scream at him. Sometimes we try to grab the cloth and do it ourselves. But when it's all said and done, if we really want to get clean, we have to let Him wash us. The great thing about God is He will wait until we're ready for Him.

Summer days are here again!

Unlike some moms, I celebrate when I have my son home for the summer. Although I do get a little more in the "I'm bored" or "She's bugging me" department, I enjoy not having to bundle everyone into the car or stroller to rush Liam to school and back every day.

But it's more than just the practical aspects of summertime. I'm looking forward to enjoying time with my son -- playing with him, teaching him, getting to know him, investing in his life, filling him up with love. I can tell how much it means to him when I see his face light up.

Obviously it won't be entirely easy. I'm going to have to rearrange my routine to fit everyone. I'll have to take an extra body with me everywhere I go -- what's one more? I'm going to have to deal with a lot more playtime politics, too. But all in all, I wouldn't trade this precious time with my son for anything.

The Sacrosanct Marriage Bed

We just got a new bed recently, to replace the birch tree bed Kevin made for us when we got married. It was a special bed -- Kevin had carved our initials into it and each of our children's. It was a good bed, just falling apart. Thinking about our bed has reminded me of a few things. We made a resolution very early on in our parenting lives that we were going to keep our bed for just the two of us.

It's not that we don't love our kids or want to exclude them. In fact, it's quite the opposite. We want to give our children the kind of confidence that comes from knowing that their parents have a secure marriage that will act as a safety net for the whole family. We also want them to be able to go into their later childhood, teen and adult years comfortable with their own space and able to fall asleep on their own without fear.

It started right from the beginning. Aside from the first night in bed with us as an adjustment period from hospital to home, we decided our children would not sleep in the bed with us. After the first night, our babies moved into a bassinet in our room for a week or two until they were used to that. Then, usually when we couldn't take waking up to every little noise, we moved the babies into their own rooms. Of course, we still have the odd Saturday morning snuggle with the kids, but it is always on our own terms.

There are other ways we try to keep our bed (and room) a special place for just us. The kids don't play in there or bring toys in. I make the bed daily and keep the room tidy, attractive, and peaceful. And if we have an argument in the evening, we resolve it before we get into bed to avoid lingering hostility.

There's a powerful association with place that begins for human beings right from the start of life, and it works with this, too. That's why the bible specifically says to "keep the marriage bed holy". It speaks symbolically, but I think it also has a point literally, too. You'd be surprised how much paying a little attention to keeping your bed special and set apart will do for your marriage.

Little Hands

Sometimes as a mom of young kids I can get so frustrated by the little things around the house. Cleaning seems like a revolving door -- it's literally never finished. I'm sure many of you can relate to that, you know, the rumpled rugs, the toothpaste on the counter, the sand dumped on the floor, the food under the highchair. Now that we're officially done having kids, I tend to remind myself -- two more years and no more diapers, or in three more years all the kids will be in school, or one day I won't have to worry about doing up everyone's seatbelts for them anymore.

Truth is, I tell myself those things to keep away the temptation to have more kids. For a mom who's been so wrapped up in caring for babies for the past 6 years, I can foresee it will be hard to let go -- to let those last little ones go off to school one day. So I remind myself of all the positive aspects of growing up. Yes, I'll have a lot more freedom and time for me. That's a nice thing to look forward to.

But then I have to balance myself, and remember to really enjoy the moments I have right now. Most of you have probably heard the song Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman -- I've been listening to that song and taking it to heart. My kids are growing so fast, and I need to slow down, take time to show them love while they're with me because I won't have them forever. That message really hit home when I heard the news that Steven Curtis Chapman's five year old daughter was killed recently. We can't take anything for granted, especially with these precious gifts-on-loan we call our children.

So when I see a little handprint on my clean window, I'll remind myself those won't be there forever, and I'll think about how that little hand feels nestled into mine.

The Extra Mile

Remember those housewives of the fifties? June Cleaver springs to mind. Okay, I know, I know -- none of us are June Cleaver, and a lot of us don't want to be.

But in June's defense, she did have a point. How often do we bend over backward for neighbours, or people at work, or help out a stranger at the store? Well, I hope we can say sometimes. You know, those random acts of kindness that make the world go round, pay it forward and all that. But then we get home and the sweet tone becomes a harsh yell, the willingness to help goes out the window and we shriek "I'm busy -- do it yourself!" I'm guilty of it as much as anyone.

I want to be a little more Cleaverish. I'd like to remember that my husband and children are a blessing. After all, if we can treat people we barely know with kindness, can't we do that much for our nearest and dearest? I am constantly reminding myself that my family and I are a team, not enemies. Whenever I feel my ire rising at my husband, I stop and think -- why don't I want to help him? Is there any good reason not to iron his shirts or take out the teeny bag of trash when it's full? The only reason that comes to mind is pride, really, and that makes me feel pretty low.

So I iron the shirts, not because he asked me to, but because I want to. Martha Peace, in her book The Excellent Wife calls it going the extra mile. I choose to do deliberate acts of kindness to those I can have the most impact on. And who knows just how far that will go.

Boy, are your hands full!

I don't know how many times I've heard that -- especially in the last year -- from some amazed person in the grocery store. My usual reply is a smile and nod, or "Yes, yes they are!" or often "Happily so!" It's sort of an obvious remark to say to a mom who's cruising the store with four kids under 6. And yes, my hands are very full.

But as I think about that statement, it brings to mind another connotation. Like scooping up a double handful of water to drink, I want to be daily drinking deeply of the Living Water. I need the Holy Spirit to equip and empower me. I can't do this life WITHOUT my hands full!

So that's why I chose to rename my blog "Hands Full" -- not only does it describe me to a T, it's also a reminder to me, and to others, that we should always have our hands full of Living Water!