Sabotaging Happiness

Have you ever thought about how kids sabotage their own happiness? If you're a parent, you probably know what I'm talking about. My kids -- especially my twins -- have a habit of throwing their blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, pacifiers, anything that gives them comfort when they're supposed to sleep out of reach and then crying because they don't have it. Give them a nice book to read, they'll rip it up. Give them a bucket of toys, they'll throw them around the room. Their natural bent is toward destruction, and it usually lands them in a state of misery.

Aren't we a little like that, when we really think about it? How many times do we take a great gift that God gives us and throw it away with both hands? How many times do we refuse to accept the help that will get us out of a bad predicament? Just as our children don't think ahead to the future, we tend to forget the consequences of our actions.

What is it we tell our children? Listen to me, because I've been there. I know. What you're doing now, you will later regret. If only we could take the words of our heavenly father to heart, we might be free from our own sabotage.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

Back to School. We've all seen those commercials with the parents dancing down the aisles as they buy their kids school supplies. I've never really identified with that sentiment, to tell the truth. I happen to like my kids, and I like to be with them.

Sure, there are the obvious benefits -- a little more quiet time, not to mention the fact that my kids are going stir-crazy to get back. But on the other hand, I miss them. And there's that nerve-wracking first day, bringing your kids into that sea of hyper children, straining to hear their names called and putting them into the hands of a stranger.

All in all, I'm okay with it, though. I know that beyond all the worries and missing them, God has them well in hand. That's all I need to know.

Messy Hands

We have a three-times daily ritual in our house. It's called wiping the twins up after eating. First, you get a wet cloth. Then, while using one hand to fend off the other grabbing baby hand and a biting baby mouth, we wipe down the first hand. Next, while holding the clean hand in a firm grip, we hastily wipe down the high chair tray so the clean hand stays clean. Repeat with the other hand, then the face, where the biting hazard increases significantly. If necessary, we do the hair, ears, neck and upper arms, too, and sometimes the legs as well. More often than not, this is done while the baby is wailing and gnashing her teeth. Then we get to do it all with the other baby.

The point is, this whole exercise reminds me of what God has to go through with us. We get our hands messy -- sometimes more than our hands -- playing around at life. We throw stuff all over God's nice world, too. But instead of meekly letting Him clean up our mess, we fight, kick, grab, bite, and scream at him. Sometimes we try to grab the cloth and do it ourselves. But when it's all said and done, if we really want to get clean, we have to let Him wash us. The great thing about God is He will wait until we're ready for Him.

Untangling the Slinky

Having kids brings to light a whole host of life lessons. Take for example the classic Slinky. My daughter has a nice, rainbow coloured plastic slinky that she brings to me about once every five minutes to untangle. Sometimes, it's a matter of a quick manoeuvre to get it straight. Sometimes, it looks so daunting I'm tempted to throw in the towel. Sometimes Caiti waits patiently for me to untangle it. Sometimes she wants to get her little hands in there and get in my way. Usually she takes it, goes away, and does the exact same thing with it that got it tangled in the first place.

Isn't that so much like life? If we try to fix our own problems, they usually end up more tangled than before. When we bring our problems to God and try to "help" Him fix them, we prevent Him from doing His best in our lives. And then we take this straightened out, fixed up life and do the same thing that messed it up in the first place, starting again from square one. The point is, God could get frustrated and just throw the whole thing out, or let us play with a tangled Slinky. But He doesn't. When we ask, he lovingly straightens us out again -- with the admonishment to be careful not to tangle it up again.

The Power of a Dream

I've always been fascinated by the phenomenon of dreams. They can be so many things -- tiring (as in work-related dreams), frightening, embarrassing, inspiring, or prophetic. I'm reminded that God often works through dreams to communicate to His people in the bible.

Dreams are a gold mine for a writer. I've taken some very interesting ideas from a couple of dreams. They'll both become fantasy novels, hopefully in the near future. Who knows if I would have thought of those ideas on my own. I put great stock in divine inspiration, and value the freedom of imagination found in dreams.

O Canada

Well, yesterday was Canada Day -- a nice time to relax and celebrate with family. It always gets me thinking about Canada, and what a truly great country this is. We Canadians have had a low self-image over the past century or so, kind of the self-effacing nice guys on the world stage. While that's good, I think it's time we remembered our roots -- and I don't just mean those cozy sweatshirts.

I'll admit it, we've got a pretty checquered past. Our European ancestors did a lot of things of which we're not so proud. But there are a lot of good things, too. How about Brock and Tecumseh, the brilliant leaders in the war of 1812? Without them, we wouldn't even be Canada. The railroad that united East and West, social reforms that brought about public health care, a peacekeeping legacy around the globe -- these things are worth celebrating. It's good to be Canadian, and I'm grateful to raise my kids here.

Falling Together

I once heard it said that in a marriage, you have to fall together instead of falling apart. Trials are bound to come, and days will be so busy and stressful that it will feel like anything but happy ever after. It is so easy just to forget about each other and focus on our own private troubles and pain. But if we do that, we will lose touch with our spouse and eventually the whole marriage will unravel. Granted, that's a worst case scenario, but it happens.

It takes a conscious effort to "fall together" during hard times -- a touch as you're walking by, a note or a call to say you love him, a hug shared when things get too much, or the simple words "I understand". The simplest things can go a long way to create intimacy in a marriage. After all, we're partners in this thing, and we're meant to stick together.

Summer days are here again!

Unlike some moms, I celebrate when I have my son home for the summer. Although I do get a little more in the "I'm bored" or "She's bugging me" department, I enjoy not having to bundle everyone into the car or stroller to rush Liam to school and back every day.

But it's more than just the practical aspects of summertime. I'm looking forward to enjoying time with my son -- playing with him, teaching him, getting to know him, investing in his life, filling him up with love. I can tell how much it means to him when I see his face light up.

Obviously it won't be entirely easy. I'm going to have to rearrange my routine to fit everyone. I'll have to take an extra body with me everywhere I go -- what's one more? I'm going to have to deal with a lot more playtime politics, too. But all in all, I wouldn't trade this precious time with my son for anything.

Living the Regency

Some people think authors should write what they know. Now that's a dilemma for me, because I haven't experienced a lot, but I have learned a great deal. I know a lot about certain places and times, even though I've never been there. And sometimes I think I know more about imagined places than my own present day reality. But an author can draw on more than just the mundane experiences of daily life.

For example, I'm taken with the Regency period. I love all things Jane Austen. It's one of a few favourite time periods, but will always hold a special place in my heart -- because I lived it for two summers!

Talk about your ideal summer job. I worked at Discovery Harbour in the little town of Penetanguishene, Ontario. It's a picturesque naval and military fort from the War of 1812. I got to be a "real" Regency lady, at least, the backwoods version -- doing embroidery, playing music, dressing in the fashions of the day. Those days back in high school were the foundation of all my present Regency writing, and directly inspired two of my Regency short stories: "Arms o' the Sea", and the soon-to-be-released "The Farmer's Son".

So I guess that goes to show that you should write what you know, but you should never let that limit you!

Walking through the valley

How did we ever get the idea life was supposed to be easy all the time? And yet, I always find myself whining when things get tough, or inconvenient, or just plain boring. Who said every day is going to be a mountaintop experience? There are days when we have to go down and walk through the valleys of life.

When I read C. S. Lewis' work The Screwtape Letters, I took away (among many things) the idea of the "Law of Undulation". Basically, in life we go through ups and downs. When we're up, we think we'll always be up and that we did it ourselves. When we're down, we think we'll never get out of this slump, and that nothing can help us.

We need to get used to this wave-like motion of life. There will be ups and there will be downs. The constant in all of this is God. If we're having a good time, remember to give Him the glory. If we're having a bad time, reach out to Him and trust that He will guide us through.

Should I stay or should I go?

A friend approached me recently, asking how I find stay-at-home mothering. The question got me thinking about that age old question of motherhood, or at least half-century old. It used to be that only a few moms had to go out and work, but most working moms did it because they wanted to.

In the last little while, I've noticed more of a trend in the opposite direction. A lot of moms look at me with my brood rather wistfully and say "I wish I could stay home, but I don't see how we can do it!"

Well, let me tell you, if we can do it, so can you. We have four kids under 6. My husband now makes a moderate income, but before this year it was pretty low. We've never had benefits up until this year, either. But we've owned a house for 6 years, and two cars. I make money from the government for raising responsible citizens (does that make me a civil servant?) And the plus is, I don't have to miss the first steps, first tooth, etc.

Does that mean it's been all coming up roses? Hardly. We've had to make some sacrifices. We don't live in a huge, new house. We don't drive cars with all the bells and whistles. I don't colour my hair (grey hair is a crown of glory, people!) We use Christmas money for new clothes or things for the house, or we make do with hand-me-downs. When Kevin has to work, he has to work. And so do I sometimes. There's a million things you can do from home to augment your income. And yes, you might have to -- gulp -- budget!

But really, when you add up the costs of both parents working, you're paying for childcare for however many kids, work clothes (which are more expensive than jeans and t-shirts!), maybe lunches out, and goodness knows feeding that gas-guzzler is a drain these days.

I'm not saying every mom should stay home. I'm just saying it's time we realized that the question of staying home or going to work is still a choice we can make. We moms shouldn't feel forced to leave our kids.

From Imagination to Paper

It's been the perennial problem for me, and I'm sure other creative types like me -- how do you get the vision in your head to look right on paper? As an artist and musician as well as a writer, I'm familiar with this problem.

Actually, I think my experiences with the other arts have helped me learn how to write effectively. In art, you learn techniques of different brush strokes, study the strengths and weaknesses of different media, and practice copying life objects onto paper -- the more you learn, the greater your ability to be true to your vision becomes. The same applies to musical composition. You need to know music theory -- the duration and pitch of notes, chords, scales, figures -- as well as the unique timbres and colours of different instruments, before you can compose a symphony.

So I keep learning words, arranging them in different, new ways while still obeying the laws of grammar. That way I can get the ideas in my head into a readable form.

But, of course, since learning never stops, there comes a point when I have to write a book with only the tools I have at present. That's where I have to toss perfectionism out the window, because it will only hold me back from learning anything at all.

To sum up -- I guess writing, like anything in life, is about striving to become better while giving up the hope of being perfect.

What's your fitness level?

With the advent of the Wii, fitness is at the forefront of entertainment these days. It's chic to know your fitness level, or for that matter, train your brain in minutes a day. But while we're talking about physical and mental fitness, are we thinking about spiritual fitness?

The bible says that life is like a race. We are like runners. And there's a prize waiting for us. So wouldn't you want to train all you can and fill up on all the good things you need to achieve peak performance?

First of all, we need the Holy Spirit. I've said it before -- we can't do anything without God's power. Then we need to totally immerse ourselves in the kind of life God designed for us, by reading the bible and praying, meditating on God and His word. We're going to trip and fall, but we have to pick ourselves up, let God dust us off, and keep our eyes on the prize as we push ourselves to the limit. Our limits are where God takes over!

So by all means, get yourself in shape and pump up that IQ, but don't neglect the only part of you that's going to finish the race.

How do you worship?

What comes to your mind when you hear the word "worship"? You're probably thinking of some ritualistic ceremony, or maybe closer to home, like a worship service at church. These are expressions of worship, certainly, but not everything it is.

The dictionary defines worship as "reverent honor and homage paid to God or a sacred personage, or to any object regarded as sacred". That encompasses more than a few words or songs once a week.

Jesus said in the bible that we would worship God in "spirit and in truth". That doesn't necessarily mean what we do on the outside. It's more about the attitude of our hearts.

The way I look at it, every moment can be an opportunity to worship. Are you doing the dishes or changing a diaper? Worship! Are you waiting in a line or sitting in traffic? Worship! Are you in the shower or lying awake at night? Well, you get the idea -- worship! God deserves the best we have to offer Him -- let's give him our heart-worship.

What if?

This is one of my favourite games to play with my husband when we're on a long trip and need something to talk about. It's kind of morbid, but I ask him: What if civilization as we knew it collapsed? What if there was some kind of disaster that wiped out technology and we had to start over?

It's not such a strange idea. After all, isn't that what happened after the collapse of the Roman Empire? It was called the Dark Ages, when all the advancements Western civilization had made up until that point were lost. Can you imagine what that must have been like for the Roman Empire? Can you imagine what it might be like for us -- no more oil and gas, electricity, cars, appliances?

Actually, this interesting game has evolved into a book project for me -- a post-apocalyptic young adult fantasy involving a set of twins and some dragons. I've been having to address a lot of the limitations a collapsed civilization would have to deal with. My husband has been helping me with scenarios, extending our disaster game into long book-writing discussions. It should shape up to be interesting!

The Sacrosanct Marriage Bed

We just got a new bed recently, to replace the birch tree bed Kevin made for us when we got married. It was a special bed -- Kevin had carved our initials into it and each of our children's. It was a good bed, just falling apart. Thinking about our bed has reminded me of a few things. We made a resolution very early on in our parenting lives that we were going to keep our bed for just the two of us.

It's not that we don't love our kids or want to exclude them. In fact, it's quite the opposite. We want to give our children the kind of confidence that comes from knowing that their parents have a secure marriage that will act as a safety net for the whole family. We also want them to be able to go into their later childhood, teen and adult years comfortable with their own space and able to fall asleep on their own without fear.

It started right from the beginning. Aside from the first night in bed with us as an adjustment period from hospital to home, we decided our children would not sleep in the bed with us. After the first night, our babies moved into a bassinet in our room for a week or two until they were used to that. Then, usually when we couldn't take waking up to every little noise, we moved the babies into their own rooms. Of course, we still have the odd Saturday morning snuggle with the kids, but it is always on our own terms.

There are other ways we try to keep our bed (and room) a special place for just us. The kids don't play in there or bring toys in. I make the bed daily and keep the room tidy, attractive, and peaceful. And if we have an argument in the evening, we resolve it before we get into bed to avoid lingering hostility.

There's a powerful association with place that begins for human beings right from the start of life, and it works with this, too. That's why the bible specifically says to "keep the marriage bed holy". It speaks symbolically, but I think it also has a point literally, too. You'd be surprised how much paying a little attention to keeping your bed special and set apart will do for your marriage.

Paul, Barnabas, and Timothy

I once heard it said that everyone should have a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy. "Huh?" you say.

Paul was a first century Christian who became a missionary to many regions of Greece, and eventually to Rome. But he didn't do it alone. He went with various partners who stuck with him through imprisonments and beatings. One of these was a man named Barnabas, which incidentally means "Son of Encouragement". Starting to make sense now?

Then Paul trained a young man to take over from him, a man named Timothy. He wrote two letters to him, full of wisdom about how to lead and care for people in ministry. Everything Paul knew, he passed on to this young man in a mentorship setting.

So, if we are each to have a Paul, Barnabas, and a Timothy, that means we each need a mentor (like Paul was to Timothy), a partner (like Barnabas was to Paul), and a successor (like Timothy was to Paul). In order to live an effective life, we need to learn from someone wiser than we are, have one or more friends who can encourage and work with us, and to pass on our wisdom to someone else who can continue our life's work long after we're gone.

So who's your Paul, your Barnabas, your Timothy? Are you well grounded in this concept? The Paul-Timothy relationship is like a lake with a river flowing in and a river flowing out. If you don't have an inlet, your lake dries up. If you don't have an outlet, it gets stagnant. Maybe you have one of these, or neither. Maybe you've isolated yourself, as I have done in the past. Just remember, God never meant for us to do this thing alone -- He made us to be a team! So find yourself a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy!

Little Hands

Sometimes as a mom of young kids I can get so frustrated by the little things around the house. Cleaning seems like a revolving door -- it's literally never finished. I'm sure many of you can relate to that, you know, the rumpled rugs, the toothpaste on the counter, the sand dumped on the floor, the food under the highchair. Now that we're officially done having kids, I tend to remind myself -- two more years and no more diapers, or in three more years all the kids will be in school, or one day I won't have to worry about doing up everyone's seatbelts for them anymore.

Truth is, I tell myself those things to keep away the temptation to have more kids. For a mom who's been so wrapped up in caring for babies for the past 6 years, I can foresee it will be hard to let go -- to let those last little ones go off to school one day. So I remind myself of all the positive aspects of growing up. Yes, I'll have a lot more freedom and time for me. That's a nice thing to look forward to.

But then I have to balance myself, and remember to really enjoy the moments I have right now. Most of you have probably heard the song Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman -- I've been listening to that song and taking it to heart. My kids are growing so fast, and I need to slow down, take time to show them love while they're with me because I won't have them forever. That message really hit home when I heard the news that Steven Curtis Chapman's five year old daughter was killed recently. We can't take anything for granted, especially with these precious gifts-on-loan we call our children.

So when I see a little handprint on my clean window, I'll remind myself those won't be there forever, and I'll think about how that little hand feels nestled into mine.

Where did you come from?

As a writer, I often get asked about my books and stories -- "where did that come from?" It's a question I've pondered many a time. Characters are an interesting phenomenon that I'm not sure anyone understands.

To a certain point, they do come from the author's imagination and experiences. I often start with a drawing of a character and build a story around that one image. But there is something about characters that is external to the author, always some element the writer can't control. It may sound bizzare to say, but my characters are constantly doing and saying things I never expected of them. Yes, it's true! The words come out and I think "I wouldn't have thought of that, but it's exactly what X would have done!" Characters take on a life of their own, and everything they do and say is a function of that complex personality. I find the more I fight against the inevitable actions of a particular character, the less inspired my writing becomes.

And that opens up the question of inspiration. Does writing come from another source, outside the author? It's a common enough idea -- think of the Muses of ancient Greece. As a Christian I believe in inspiration implicitly. I know that God breathes His ideas into me on a daily basis.

So what do I say when people ask "Where does this come from?" -- not from me, that's for sure!

Inheritance

This is a poem I wrote a few years ago about the impact that our ancestors have on us -- not just the genetic stamp they pass on, but also the marks they leave on our spiritual journey without ever knowing us.

James' colour and Mary's skin
Through three generations have come to me
James' eyes and Ann's fine hair
Passed down before I came to be
Gordon's stature and Katie's shape
Move in a great genetic dance
Alec's smile and Susan's hands
This is my inheritance

Christopher's faithfulness, Rachel's love
Survived throughout a century
Meg's perserverance and George's hope
My ancestors: alive in me
Samuel's vision and Margaret's heart
Not left to fate or happenchance
Jennie's courage and William's faith
This is my inheritance

So I hope this encourages all of you to look into the things your family may have passed on to you. Some of you might have had a pretty negative family experience -- but you might be surprised what you can find in your history. The other thing to remember is that no matter what kind of legacy your family has passed to each other, it is possible to break the cycle of hurt at your generation and start a new family tree.