Sabotaging Happiness

Have you ever thought about how kids sabotage their own happiness? If you're a parent, you probably know what I'm talking about. My kids -- especially my twins -- have a habit of throwing their blankets, pillows, stuffed animals, pacifiers, anything that gives them comfort when they're supposed to sleep out of reach and then crying because they don't have it. Give them a nice book to read, they'll rip it up. Give them a bucket of toys, they'll throw them around the room. Their natural bent is toward destruction, and it usually lands them in a state of misery.

Aren't we a little like that, when we really think about it? How many times do we take a great gift that God gives us and throw it away with both hands? How many times do we refuse to accept the help that will get us out of a bad predicament? Just as our children don't think ahead to the future, we tend to forget the consequences of our actions.

What is it we tell our children? Listen to me, because I've been there. I know. What you're doing now, you will later regret. If only we could take the words of our heavenly father to heart, we might be free from our own sabotage.

Partnership

In our dog-eat-dog world, it's good to know that someone has your back.

That's why I recently joined an authors' group that so far has been the best place I've found for authors collaborating, cross-promoting, and generally helping each other. It's a great place for authors and readers alike to get their finger on the pulse of the fantasy industry right now.

Take a look at the Infinite Worlds of Fantasy website and you will have access to hundreds of authors in the genre, of all points in the spectrum. Not to mention all the publishers, editors, and reviewers, too. It's worth a look.

Infinite Worlds of Fantasy Authors

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

Back to School. We've all seen those commercials with the parents dancing down the aisles as they buy their kids school supplies. I've never really identified with that sentiment, to tell the truth. I happen to like my kids, and I like to be with them.

Sure, there are the obvious benefits -- a little more quiet time, not to mention the fact that my kids are going stir-crazy to get back. But on the other hand, I miss them. And there's that nerve-wracking first day, bringing your kids into that sea of hyper children, straining to hear their names called and putting them into the hands of a stranger.

All in all, I'm okay with it, though. I know that beyond all the worries and missing them, God has them well in hand. That's all I need to know.

Messy Hands

We have a three-times daily ritual in our house. It's called wiping the twins up after eating. First, you get a wet cloth. Then, while using one hand to fend off the other grabbing baby hand and a biting baby mouth, we wipe down the first hand. Next, while holding the clean hand in a firm grip, we hastily wipe down the high chair tray so the clean hand stays clean. Repeat with the other hand, then the face, where the biting hazard increases significantly. If necessary, we do the hair, ears, neck and upper arms, too, and sometimes the legs as well. More often than not, this is done while the baby is wailing and gnashing her teeth. Then we get to do it all with the other baby.

The point is, this whole exercise reminds me of what God has to go through with us. We get our hands messy -- sometimes more than our hands -- playing around at life. We throw stuff all over God's nice world, too. But instead of meekly letting Him clean up our mess, we fight, kick, grab, bite, and scream at him. Sometimes we try to grab the cloth and do it ourselves. But when it's all said and done, if we really want to get clean, we have to let Him wash us. The great thing about God is He will wait until we're ready for Him.

Review for Dawn Thompson's Bride of Time

Tessa La Prelle, a scullery maid in 1903 London, dreams of a life better than her own. She finds an object for her fantasies in a local gallery - the work of Regency artist Giles Longworth. His brooding self-portrait is fascinating, but not as intriguing as the scandalously beautiful painting called The Bride of Time.

When a false accusation sends Tessa running, she never dreams that she will flee from the bobbies straight into the carriage of Giles himself. Before she can fully understand what has happened, she is bundled off to Longworth Abbey as governess to Giles' ward, the incorrigible young Master Monty.

Giles Longworth has problems of his own, Master Monty chief among them. There have been murders on the Cornish moors, his own unfaithful wife included, and rumours of werewolves. He has his own suspicions. When Tessa shows up on his doorstep, he's not inclined to ask where she came from. She is a godsend - a help with the problem of his ward, and the perfect inspiring model for his newest painting - The Bride of Time.

With the full moon on the rise, the plot is about to thicken.

Dawn Thompson's new book is a triumph, a delicate balance between the dark sensuality of the gothic romance, and the hedonistic gaiety of the Regency, the complexity of time travel, and the mystery of shape shifting. Her characters are multidimensional and realistic, her setting captures the imagination, and her story is gripping. I couldn't put it down. The literary community has lost a great talent in Ms. Thompson, yet her writing will live on.

Untangling the Slinky

Having kids brings to light a whole host of life lessons. Take for example the classic Slinky. My daughter has a nice, rainbow coloured plastic slinky that she brings to me about once every five minutes to untangle. Sometimes, it's a matter of a quick manoeuvre to get it straight. Sometimes, it looks so daunting I'm tempted to throw in the towel. Sometimes Caiti waits patiently for me to untangle it. Sometimes she wants to get her little hands in there and get in my way. Usually she takes it, goes away, and does the exact same thing with it that got it tangled in the first place.

Isn't that so much like life? If we try to fix our own problems, they usually end up more tangled than before. When we bring our problems to God and try to "help" Him fix them, we prevent Him from doing His best in our lives. And then we take this straightened out, fixed up life and do the same thing that messed it up in the first place, starting again from square one. The point is, God could get frustrated and just throw the whole thing out, or let us play with a tangled Slinky. But He doesn't. When we ask, he lovingly straightens us out again -- with the admonishment to be careful not to tangle it up again.

The Power of a Dream

I've always been fascinated by the phenomenon of dreams. They can be so many things -- tiring (as in work-related dreams), frightening, embarrassing, inspiring, or prophetic. I'm reminded that God often works through dreams to communicate to His people in the bible.

Dreams are a gold mine for a writer. I've taken some very interesting ideas from a couple of dreams. They'll both become fantasy novels, hopefully in the near future. Who knows if I would have thought of those ideas on my own. I put great stock in divine inspiration, and value the freedom of imagination found in dreams.

O Canada

Well, yesterday was Canada Day -- a nice time to relax and celebrate with family. It always gets me thinking about Canada, and what a truly great country this is. We Canadians have had a low self-image over the past century or so, kind of the self-effacing nice guys on the world stage. While that's good, I think it's time we remembered our roots -- and I don't just mean those cozy sweatshirts.

I'll admit it, we've got a pretty checquered past. Our European ancestors did a lot of things of which we're not so proud. But there are a lot of good things, too. How about Brock and Tecumseh, the brilliant leaders in the war of 1812? Without them, we wouldn't even be Canada. The railroad that united East and West, social reforms that brought about public health care, a peacekeeping legacy around the globe -- these things are worth celebrating. It's good to be Canadian, and I'm grateful to raise my kids here.

Falling Together

I once heard it said that in a marriage, you have to fall together instead of falling apart. Trials are bound to come, and days will be so busy and stressful that it will feel like anything but happy ever after. It is so easy just to forget about each other and focus on our own private troubles and pain. But if we do that, we will lose touch with our spouse and eventually the whole marriage will unravel. Granted, that's a worst case scenario, but it happens.

It takes a conscious effort to "fall together" during hard times -- a touch as you're walking by, a note or a call to say you love him, a hug shared when things get too much, or the simple words "I understand". The simplest things can go a long way to create intimacy in a marriage. After all, we're partners in this thing, and we're meant to stick together.

Summer days are here again!

Unlike some moms, I celebrate when I have my son home for the summer. Although I do get a little more in the "I'm bored" or "She's bugging me" department, I enjoy not having to bundle everyone into the car or stroller to rush Liam to school and back every day.

But it's more than just the practical aspects of summertime. I'm looking forward to enjoying time with my son -- playing with him, teaching him, getting to know him, investing in his life, filling him up with love. I can tell how much it means to him when I see his face light up.

Obviously it won't be entirely easy. I'm going to have to rearrange my routine to fit everyone. I'll have to take an extra body with me everywhere I go -- what's one more? I'm going to have to deal with a lot more playtime politics, too. But all in all, I wouldn't trade this precious time with my son for anything.

Living the Regency

Some people think authors should write what they know. Now that's a dilemma for me, because I haven't experienced a lot, but I have learned a great deal. I know a lot about certain places and times, even though I've never been there. And sometimes I think I know more about imagined places than my own present day reality. But an author can draw on more than just the mundane experiences of daily life.

For example, I'm taken with the Regency period. I love all things Jane Austen. It's one of a few favourite time periods, but will always hold a special place in my heart -- because I lived it for two summers!

Talk about your ideal summer job. I worked at Discovery Harbour in the little town of Penetanguishene, Ontario. It's a picturesque naval and military fort from the War of 1812. I got to be a "real" Regency lady, at least, the backwoods version -- doing embroidery, playing music, dressing in the fashions of the day. Those days back in high school were the foundation of all my present Regency writing, and directly inspired two of my Regency short stories: "Arms o' the Sea", and the soon-to-be-released "The Farmer's Son".

So I guess that goes to show that you should write what you know, but you should never let that limit you!

Walking through the valley

How did we ever get the idea life was supposed to be easy all the time? And yet, I always find myself whining when things get tough, or inconvenient, or just plain boring. Who said every day is going to be a mountaintop experience? There are days when we have to go down and walk through the valleys of life.

When I read C. S. Lewis' work The Screwtape Letters, I took away (among many things) the idea of the "Law of Undulation". Basically, in life we go through ups and downs. When we're up, we think we'll always be up and that we did it ourselves. When we're down, we think we'll never get out of this slump, and that nothing can help us.

We need to get used to this wave-like motion of life. There will be ups and there will be downs. The constant in all of this is God. If we're having a good time, remember to give Him the glory. If we're having a bad time, reach out to Him and trust that He will guide us through.

Should I stay or should I go?

A friend approached me recently, asking how I find stay-at-home mothering. The question got me thinking about that age old question of motherhood, or at least half-century old. It used to be that only a few moms had to go out and work, but most working moms did it because they wanted to.

In the last little while, I've noticed more of a trend in the opposite direction. A lot of moms look at me with my brood rather wistfully and say "I wish I could stay home, but I don't see how we can do it!"

Well, let me tell you, if we can do it, so can you. We have four kids under 6. My husband now makes a moderate income, but before this year it was pretty low. We've never had benefits up until this year, either. But we've owned a house for 6 years, and two cars. I make money from the government for raising responsible citizens (does that make me a civil servant?) And the plus is, I don't have to miss the first steps, first tooth, etc.

Does that mean it's been all coming up roses? Hardly. We've had to make some sacrifices. We don't live in a huge, new house. We don't drive cars with all the bells and whistles. I don't colour my hair (grey hair is a crown of glory, people!) We use Christmas money for new clothes or things for the house, or we make do with hand-me-downs. When Kevin has to work, he has to work. And so do I sometimes. There's a million things you can do from home to augment your income. And yes, you might have to -- gulp -- budget!

But really, when you add up the costs of both parents working, you're paying for childcare for however many kids, work clothes (which are more expensive than jeans and t-shirts!), maybe lunches out, and goodness knows feeding that gas-guzzler is a drain these days.

I'm not saying every mom should stay home. I'm just saying it's time we realized that the question of staying home or going to work is still a choice we can make. We moms shouldn't feel forced to leave our kids.

From Imagination to Paper

It's been the perennial problem for me, and I'm sure other creative types like me -- how do you get the vision in your head to look right on paper? As an artist and musician as well as a writer, I'm familiar with this problem.

Actually, I think my experiences with the other arts have helped me learn how to write effectively. In art, you learn techniques of different brush strokes, study the strengths and weaknesses of different media, and practice copying life objects onto paper -- the more you learn, the greater your ability to be true to your vision becomes. The same applies to musical composition. You need to know music theory -- the duration and pitch of notes, chords, scales, figures -- as well as the unique timbres and colours of different instruments, before you can compose a symphony.

So I keep learning words, arranging them in different, new ways while still obeying the laws of grammar. That way I can get the ideas in my head into a readable form.

But, of course, since learning never stops, there comes a point when I have to write a book with only the tools I have at present. That's where I have to toss perfectionism out the window, because it will only hold me back from learning anything at all.

To sum up -- I guess writing, like anything in life, is about striving to become better while giving up the hope of being perfect.

What's your fitness level?

With the advent of the Wii, fitness is at the forefront of entertainment these days. It's chic to know your fitness level, or for that matter, train your brain in minutes a day. But while we're talking about physical and mental fitness, are we thinking about spiritual fitness?

The bible says that life is like a race. We are like runners. And there's a prize waiting for us. So wouldn't you want to train all you can and fill up on all the good things you need to achieve peak performance?

First of all, we need the Holy Spirit. I've said it before -- we can't do anything without God's power. Then we need to totally immerse ourselves in the kind of life God designed for us, by reading the bible and praying, meditating on God and His word. We're going to trip and fall, but we have to pick ourselves up, let God dust us off, and keep our eyes on the prize as we push ourselves to the limit. Our limits are where God takes over!

So by all means, get yourself in shape and pump up that IQ, but don't neglect the only part of you that's going to finish the race.

How do you worship?

What comes to your mind when you hear the word "worship"? You're probably thinking of some ritualistic ceremony, or maybe closer to home, like a worship service at church. These are expressions of worship, certainly, but not everything it is.

The dictionary defines worship as "reverent honor and homage paid to God or a sacred personage, or to any object regarded as sacred". That encompasses more than a few words or songs once a week.

Jesus said in the bible that we would worship God in "spirit and in truth". That doesn't necessarily mean what we do on the outside. It's more about the attitude of our hearts.

The way I look at it, every moment can be an opportunity to worship. Are you doing the dishes or changing a diaper? Worship! Are you waiting in a line or sitting in traffic? Worship! Are you in the shower or lying awake at night? Well, you get the idea -- worship! God deserves the best we have to offer Him -- let's give him our heart-worship.

It Starts Here . . .

I remember once having a visit with a friend and her two-year-old who was very busy. He decided he was going to take a drink -- he must have been just learning how to use a cup -- but he chose to take one from my glass, and from each of the adults around the living room. His mom put up a protest, but without any follow-through, there was nothing stopping him.

I looked at my own son, still a tiny baby, and vowed he would never get away with that kind of bad manners. He grew up to be every bit as busy as that little boy, and training was a struggle every step of the way. But I've learned that manners start in the high chair.

My one-year-old daughter illustrated this point last night by grabbing my napkin. It seemed innocent enough -- even my husband protested when I took it back. But I pointed out that this is the battle ground when the war for good manners begins. If I don't teach my babies (who are still reasonably compliant) to respect the property of others, how will my toddlers (who are usually not so compliant) know?

Then the other baby, just this morning, spit out her yogurt. Again, cute, but not cool when she's older! We've been teaching our babies sign language so instead of putting up a fuss or spitting out their food, they can say "All done" in an appropriate way. Of course, that's not to say they always do it, and that's where correction comes in. I'm sure you have your methods. Turning the high chair around worked well for my older daughter.

It's never an easy road, but I'm determined that I'm going to raise kids who are respectful of others. There are far too many older kids and adults who were never taught these basic skills.

A Grown-Up Highland Romance

I just finished reading Blood on the Tartan by Chris Holmes and thought I'd share my review:

Chris Holmes weaves a bittersweet tale worthy of a clan storyteller against the backdrop of the Highlands of Scotland. The year is 1854 and the economy of the Highlands is shifting -- from tenant crop farming to sheep farming. And sheep need room to graze. Landlords all over Scotland are "clearing" their tenants in place of four-footed clansmen, and the lord of Strath Carron is no different.

Catherine Ross is no stranger to the Clearances. Displaced from her childhood home, she made a life with her husband in the village of Greenyards. Now a widow, she has only her son and her home in the valley of Strath Carron, for generations her family's place.

Ian Macgregor is a constable newly stationed in Strath Carron. Idealistic and full of faith in Victorian justice, he acquaints himself with the villagers of Greenyards, and the attractive young widow Catherine.

Their growing sweet romance will be put to the test when the Clearances come to Greenyards. Catherine urges her neighbours to resist the unjust evictions, while Ian is trapped between his love for her and his duty to uphold the law.

I thoroughly enjoyed this read -- the characters are vibrant, bringing to life all the emotions and motivations behind the tumultuous period of the Highland Clearances. Chris Holmes has a true bard's voice.

The Sacrosanct Marriage Bed

We just got a new bed recently, to replace the birch tree bed Kevin made for us when we got married. It was a special bed -- Kevin had carved our initials into it and each of our children's. It was a good bed, just falling apart. Thinking about our bed has reminded me of a few things. We made a resolution very early on in our parenting lives that we were going to keep our bed for just the two of us.

It's not that we don't love our kids or want to exclude them. In fact, it's quite the opposite. We want to give our children the kind of confidence that comes from knowing that their parents have a secure marriage that will act as a safety net for the whole family. We also want them to be able to go into their later childhood, teen and adult years comfortable with their own space and able to fall asleep on their own without fear.

It started right from the beginning. Aside from the first night in bed with us as an adjustment period from hospital to home, we decided our children would not sleep in the bed with us. After the first night, our babies moved into a bassinet in our room for a week or two until they were used to that. Then, usually when we couldn't take waking up to every little noise, we moved the babies into their own rooms. Of course, we still have the odd Saturday morning snuggle with the kids, but it is always on our own terms.

There are other ways we try to keep our bed (and room) a special place for just us. The kids don't play in there or bring toys in. I make the bed daily and keep the room tidy, attractive, and peaceful. And if we have an argument in the evening, we resolve it before we get into bed to avoid lingering hostility.

There's a powerful association with place that begins for human beings right from the start of life, and it works with this, too. That's why the bible specifically says to "keep the marriage bed holy". It speaks symbolically, but I think it also has a point literally, too. You'd be surprised how much paying a little attention to keeping your bed special and set apart will do for your marriage.

Paul, Barnabas, and Timothy

I once heard it said that everyone should have a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy. "Huh?" you say.

Paul was a first century Christian who became a missionary to many regions of Greece, and eventually to Rome. But he didn't do it alone. He went with various partners who stuck with him through imprisonments and beatings. One of these was a man named Barnabas, which incidentally means "Son of Encouragement". Starting to make sense now?

Then Paul trained a young man to take over from him, a man named Timothy. He wrote two letters to him, full of wisdom about how to lead and care for people in ministry. Everything Paul knew, he passed on to this young man in a mentorship setting.

So, if we are each to have a Paul, Barnabas, and a Timothy, that means we each need a mentor (like Paul was to Timothy), a partner (like Barnabas was to Paul), and a successor (like Timothy was to Paul). In order to live an effective life, we need to learn from someone wiser than we are, have one or more friends who can encourage and work with us, and to pass on our wisdom to someone else who can continue our life's work long after we're gone.

So who's your Paul, your Barnabas, your Timothy? Are you well grounded in this concept? The Paul-Timothy relationship is like a lake with a river flowing in and a river flowing out. If you don't have an inlet, your lake dries up. If you don't have an outlet, it gets stagnant. Maybe you have one of these, or neither. Maybe you've isolated yourself, as I have done in the past. Just remember, God never meant for us to do this thing alone -- He made us to be a team! So find yourself a Paul, a Barnabas, and a Timothy!