Should I stay or should I go?

A friend approached me recently, asking how I find stay-at-home mothering. The question got me thinking about that age old question of motherhood, or at least half-century old. It used to be that only a few moms had to go out and work, but most working moms did it because they wanted to.

In the last little while, I've noticed more of a trend in the opposite direction. A lot of moms look at me with my brood rather wistfully and say "I wish I could stay home, but I don't see how we can do it!"

Well, let me tell you, if we can do it, so can you. We have four kids under 6. My husband now makes a moderate income, but before this year it was pretty low. We've never had benefits up until this year, either. But we've owned a house for 6 years, and two cars. I make money from the government for raising responsible citizens (does that make me a civil servant?) And the plus is, I don't have to miss the first steps, first tooth, etc.

Does that mean it's been all coming up roses? Hardly. We've had to make some sacrifices. We don't live in a huge, new house. We don't drive cars with all the bells and whistles. I don't colour my hair (grey hair is a crown of glory, people!) We use Christmas money for new clothes or things for the house, or we make do with hand-me-downs. When Kevin has to work, he has to work. And so do I sometimes. There's a million things you can do from home to augment your income. And yes, you might have to -- gulp -- budget!

But really, when you add up the costs of both parents working, you're paying for childcare for however many kids, work clothes (which are more expensive than jeans and t-shirts!), maybe lunches out, and goodness knows feeding that gas-guzzler is a drain these days.

I'm not saying every mom should stay home. I'm just saying it's time we realized that the question of staying home or going to work is still a choice we can make. We moms shouldn't feel forced to leave our kids.